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RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

Ragha — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 19:05:46 GMT

Handle With Care!

The factory foreman inspected the shipment of crystal vases leaving the plant, and approached his new packer. He put his arm around the man’s shoulder and said,
“Well, Ole, I see you did what I asked. Stamped the top of each box, ‘This Side Up,
Handle With Care.’”
“Yes sir,” the worker replied. “And just to make sure, I stamped it on the bottom too.”

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

Ragha — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 18:50:07 GMT

Best Salesman!!!

An inexperienced real estate salesman asked his boss if he could refund the deposit to an angry customer who had discovered that the lot he had bought was under water.

“What kind of salesman are you?” the boss scolded. “Get out there and sell him a boat.”

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

smith — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 10:52:39 GMT

Intelligent Contractor!

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the Rhode Island State house in Providence, one from

Cranston, and another from

North Kingstown

and the third, Exeter.

They go with a State house official to examine the fence.
The North Kingstown contractor takes out a tape measure and does some Measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Exeter contractor also does some measuring and figuring, and then says I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Cranston contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the State House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Cranston contractor whispers back, "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Exeter to fix the fence." :w00t:

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

smith — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 10:39:37 GMT

I can use it again!!!

A young man bought an expensive piece of jewelry as a present for his girlfriend. “Don’t you want her name engraved on it?” asked the clerk. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the realistic, steadfastly replied, “No, just engrave it: To My One and Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again.” :hehe:

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

smith — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 09:13:55 GMT

Grandpa and his Grandson - Golfing!!!

One day, a grandpa and his grandson go golfing. The young one is really good and the old one is just giving him tips. They are on hole 8 and there is a tree in the way and the grandpa says, "When I was your age, I would hit the ball right over that tree." So, the grandson hits the ball and it bumps against the tree and lands not to far from where it started. "Of course," added the grandpa, "when I was your age, the tree was only 3 feet tall.." :hehe:

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

Ragha — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 19:14:09 GMT

I believe you're in my chair!!!

Bill Clinton, Bill Gates and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"
Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more Freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."
God then addresses Bill Clinton: "Bill, what do you believe in?"
Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."
God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."
God then addresses Bill Gates: "Bill Gates, what do you believe in?"
Bill Gates says, "I believe you're in my chair."

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

smith — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 12:47:20 GMT

Main Entrance:

During a bank heist the Chief told the Sgt. to cover all Exits so the robbers could not get away.

Later the Sgt. reports to the chief. "Sorry sir but they got away".

The chief very disappointed says, “I told you to cover all Exist.
"I did” replied the Sgt. but they got away through the "Main Entrance"

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

smith — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 12:43:15 GMT

Computer Hardware and Software

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system>activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)

REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command

C:\APOLOGIZE

because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.

Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag, Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

Ragha — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 13:48:33 GMT

SPEEDING TICKET

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?

"Ma'am," the officer replies, you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers. Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour! "The old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time, "the officer asks. Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119." :w00t:

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

Ragha — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:57:09 GMT

How much does it costs?

At a fabric store, a pretty girl spots a nice material for a dress and asks the male clerk: How much does it costs? “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk. “That’s fine,” said the girl. I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out. The girl took the bag and pointed to the old man standing beside her, and smiled, “Grandma will pay the bill.”

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

Ragha — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:54:26 GMT

How to Teach Arithmetic?.. Read this

A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic, he said it was his mission. He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said, "Now that's addition." In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, "Now that's subtraction." Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation. And both together smiled and said, "That's multiplication." Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision. He kicked that boy three blocks away and said, "That's long division!"

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

nano — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 13:37:01 GMT

There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, 'Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work !?' :w00t:

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

smith — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 09:14:51 GMT

How did the human race appear?

A little girl asked her mother: How did the human race appear?

The mother answered: Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race was developed.

Two days later she asks her father the same question. The father answered: God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was
all mankind made.

The confused girl says: Dad how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Mom says they were developed from monkeys.

The father answers: Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, while your mother told you about her side...

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

Ragha — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 20:02:13 GMT

I Am A Father !

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way.

The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father."

The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."

The priest looked up from his book and said, "I am the Father of many."

The boy said, "My Dad has four boys, four girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way."

The priest, getting impatient, said "I am the Father of hundreds," and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly... but on leaving the bus, he leaned over and said, "Well, maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

Ragha — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 19:44:38 GMT

Chapped Lips !!! ???

There were two church-going women gossiping in front of the store when a dusty old cowboy rode up. He tied up in front of the saloon, walked around behind his horse, lifted its tail and kissed the horse full on its rectum.

Repulsed, one of the women asked, "That's disgusting, why did you do THAT?"

To which the cowboy replied, "I've got chapped lips."

Confused, the women continued, "Does that make them feel better?"

"No, but it stops me from licking them!"

How is jokes!!!???:w00t:

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

Ragha — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 19:40:57 GMT

Donkey In The Well - (Best Jokes) :P

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

NOW --------

Enough of that crap . . .

The donkey later came back and bit the shit out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
When you do something wrong and try to cover your ***, it always comes back to bite you. :hehe:

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

smith — Tue, 06 May 2008 13:26:01 GMT

'Where were you on my wedding day?

Walking down the street one day, a woman heard a voice yell, 'stop! If you take one more step, you will be killed.

The woman stopped and seconds later a brick fell and landed in her path.

A minute later or two, she was ready to cross the street when the same voice bellowed 'halt! Don’t cross the street now'. An out-of-control beer truck soon screeched around the corner and didn't even slowdown as it ran the red light. Shaken, the woman asked out loud, "who are you?"

'I am your guardian angel' replied the voice. 'And I imagine you have some questions for me"
'You bet I do', the woman said. 'Where were you on my wedding day?'

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

Ragha — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 15:07:23 GMT

Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines, and reeled in their catch.
A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he new the other two.
“Oh yes” he said. “They ‘re my friends.”
“In that case,” warned the officer, “you’d better get them out of here!”
“Yes, sir” the man replied, and he began rowing furiously ;)

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

Ragha — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 09:09:50 GMT

Police Jokes

This guy was pulled over for running a stop sign. When the cop checked the man's driver's license, he said, "You're wearing glasses on your ID and you're not now. I'm going to have to give you a ticket."
The guy said, "Officer, I have contacts."
The cop said, "Look, buddy, I don't care who you know, ... I'm giving you a ticket." :hehe:

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

Ragha — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 10:16:11 GMT

Marriage Joke - Adam and Eve :w00t:

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged. "You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded. "Counting your ribs," said Eve.:P

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

nano — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 18:37:11 GMT

Another microsoft joke, enjoy guys :)

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an
electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic
navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze
the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the
airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew
a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign
said "WHERE AM I ?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a
large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU
ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and
determine the course to steer to SEATAC (Seattle/Tacoma) airport and
landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the
"YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The
pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building
because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless
answer."

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

Ragha — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 12:34:34 GMT

Marriage Jokes

“Now, that looks like a happily married couple.” Remarks the husband.:P
“Don’t be too sure, my Dear:w00t:. They are probable saying the same thing about us.” Replied his wife

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

Ragha — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 12:28:25 GMT

The CAT and MICE... jokes :D

One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself.
The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know."
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor."
The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven.
Again, the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.
The mice answer, "All our lives we have been chased.
We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms.
Running, running, running; we're tired of running.
Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don't have to run anymore?"
The Lord says, "Say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.
Week later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow.
The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?"
The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, "It is wonderful here.
Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!":hehe:

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

Ragha — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 21:19:14 GMT

Business Jokes

So Bill Gates and the chairman of GM are arguing over which company is better. Bill Gates boast, " If cars grew in technology as fast as computers did, we would be driving v-32 instead of v-8, our cars would get 5000 miles to the gallon, the top speed would be mach seven. Anyway the sticker price for a car would be 50 dollars."

And which the GM replies, " Sure, but would you really want a car that crashes 4 times a day!" :hehe:

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

smith — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 19:54:32 GMT

One more on Bush

An aide to the prime minister of Canada called President Bush a moron. Well that's not fair. Here's a guy who never worked a day in his life, got rich off his Dad's money, lost the popular vote and ended up president. That's not a moron, that's genius!"
:w00t:

I happend to search meaning of moron. Do not waste your time. This is what the meaning.. A stupid person; a dolt. Psychology. A person of mild mental retardation having a mental age of from 7 to 12 years :hehe:

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

Ragha — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 12:49:22 GMT

George Bush??!!

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk, he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asked, What is your name?

Bob

And what is your question, Bob?

I have 3 questions.

First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?

Second, why are you president when al gore got more votes?

Third, what happened to Osama bin laden?

Just then, the bell rings for recess.

George bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, Ok where were we?

Oh, that's right. Question time. Who has a question?

A different little boy raises his hand.

George points him out and asked him what is your name?

Steve

And what is your question Steve?

I have 5 questions.

First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of UN?

Second, why are you president when Al Gore got more votes?

Third, what happened to Osama bin laden?

Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?

Fifth, where is Bob?

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

Traveler — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 12:12:06 GMT

I was waiting for a punch line on "encapsulation" but I think the final punch line is... "the .NET developer open the bathroom door and since .NET develoment is much faster than Java, opens the Java developer bathroom door, takes the ticket, and pours hot Java on the entire team. They think they had a "Sun" burn but were actually burnt by Sun. " :w00t:

[quote]When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the java guys don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed .Net professional. "Watch and you'll see," answers a java professional. When they board the train the three .Net professionals cram into a rest room and the three java professionals cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the java professional leaves his rest room and walks over to the rest room where the .Net professionals are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please..."[/quote]

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

nano — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 18:28:17 GMT

Three java IT professionals and three .Net professionals are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three .Net professionals each buy tickets and watch as the three java professionals buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a .Net professional. "Watch and you'll see," answers the java guy.

They all board the train. The .Net professionals take their respective seats but all three java professionals cram into a rest room and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the rest room door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The .Net professionals saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the .Net professionals decide to copy the java professionals (as they always do) on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the java guys don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed .Net professional. "Watch and you'll see," answers a java professional. When they board the train the three .Net professionals cram into a rest room and the three java professionals cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the java professional leaves his rest room and walks over to the rest room where the .Net professionals are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please..."

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

Admin — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 06:56:42 GMT

Yes! Yes! This would be so true....

9. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the antenna. :D

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

nano — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 21:44:02 GMT

Microsoft Car

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating, "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they painted new lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull ove r to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.

For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought "CarNT," but then you would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but it would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "general protect ion fault" warning light.

8. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.

9. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the antenna.

10. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally Road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 percent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

11. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

12. You'd have to press the "start" button to turn the engine off.

RE: Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

Traveler — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 18:36:54 GMT

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1.. If you're choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2.. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
3.. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4.. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5.. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6.. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.
7.. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
8.. Remember - everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
9.. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
Daily thought:
Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything but, they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

Joke Thread - Keep it Clean

Admin — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 18:33:52 GMT

Sometimes, the crew of airliners make an effort to be a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

1...On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

2...On landing the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all your belongings. If you are going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

3..."Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

4...As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

5...A flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as he*l everything has shifted."

6...From a Southwest Airlines employee...."Welcome aboard Southwest
Flight 859 to Los Angeles. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."